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esskay
Digital storyteller, Photographic narrator, Hogwarts alum. In real life, I write things. I speak fluent sarcasm. I'm unintentionally funny. My favorite thing is food. Guac is life. I'm a fountain of the most random information. I'm pretty, only because it's weird to call oneself beautiful. I'm weird in all the good ways. I live in the greatest city on Earth. I was Sasha before Beyonce was schizophrenic. My life is stranger than fiction. But please, don't take my word for it. My pen is mightier than my sword. Instagram
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Saturday, August 29, 2009 || 12:17 AM
The fact that I can say (and mean) the words "I'm done" with such conviction and still have doubt in my mind makes me such an oxymoron. Or maybe that just makes me a moron; it's hard to differentiate when it comes to matters of the heart. So instead of telling you what I'm unsure of, I'll tell you what I'm sure of. I know that I won't lie because I don't like being lied to. I know that I won't play games because it's exhausting and I don't like being played with. I know that if my heart is in something, it's in it all the way and I know that when I say I'm done, I mean I'm done. So if I'm completely honest and straightforward with you and I put my heart into a friendship or relationship with you, I expect to get the same in return. And if I stick around and I'm there for you and you still want to play games with me and screw with my emotions, I'm going to let go and move on. It may take time, patience and a lot of courage but when I say I'm done, don't expect things to stay the same. What's so funny is that people never appreciate what they have until it's gone and people never want something unless they can't have it. Which means the only time you'll want me is after I've said "I'm done", at which point in time it'll be too late for you because I'll have cut you off without a second thought and you may not even know it. But this is what's wiggin me out right now: I've done all that. I've put my heart into something completely and I've gotten nothing in return. I've had people screw with my feelings, lie to me and not care and I've had people play games with me until I couldn't take it anymore. And it took some time and it hurt for a while but eventually, I got over it. And finally, I said "I'm done" and I meant it. But somehow, every time I think back to the good times that came before the bad times, I can't help but smile. I can't help but look back on what happened with a smile on my face and I don't regret a thing. It's a weird feeling, this feeling of happy closure. I used to think I was a stupid woman who just couldn't get over what happened in the past. I thought I was weak but I'm stronger than I thought I was. I never thought I'd be the kind of woman that I am, but I love her more and more everyday. I guess it goes without saying but, I'm pretty darn awesome (if I may say so myself). =P Labels: personals |