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esskay
Digital storyteller, Photographic narrator, Hogwarts alum. In real life, I write things. I speak fluent sarcasm. I'm unintentionally funny. My favorite thing is food. Guac is life. I'm a fountain of the most random information. I'm pretty, only because it's weird to call oneself beautiful. I'm weird in all the good ways. I live in the greatest city on Earth. I was Sasha before Beyonce was schizophrenic. My life is stranger than fiction. But please, don't take my word for it. My pen is mightier than my sword. Instagram
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Tuesday, June 22, 2010 || 12:36 AM
Dear Sean,In exactly 1 week, it will be 6 months since you've been gone and I still wake up in the middle of the night, clutching my chest and gasping for air through the seemingly endless tears because I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that you're gone. The grief that rocks me in these late hours when the house is quiet and everyone else is asleep is probably nothing to what mom must still be feeling but she's getting better at hiding it every day. I, on the other hand, have never had a problem hiding my true feelings or suppressing unpleasant things so I usually manage to get through the day unscathed. Its only in these moments, when my mind is most relaxed, that these thoughts sneak up on me and leave me with this crippling grief that I can't even begin to understand. Everything is awful now that you're not here. Jr. was 5 months old on the first of this month and I've still only seen him twice since his birth. And really, it’s not like I haven’t been trying. I’ve made numerous trips to that stupid house but those people are insensitive and just not nice. There’s only so much I can take. I hate to say this but you picked a crappy person to spend your life with, however short it was. And now you're gone and we're left to deal with her bullshit so thanks for that. I thought she was selfish before but now I know without a shadow of a doubt that she is. I don't understand how she could be so selfish that she won't even try to live, even for the sake of her only son. Instead, she'd rather wallow in misery and self pity while her retarded ass family caters to her bs and your poor son suffers. She's the only parent he has left and she won't even try to live for him. If that's not selfish, I dunno what is. But then again, I've never lost a husband. Just a brother and at the end of the day, no one cares because the wife comes first, even if she won't allow her dead husbands family to see his son. Whatever. The world makes sense again. I wish, with every fiber of my being that I could say I don't care but if I did, I would be lying to myself. So instead I'll say I miss you and I love you always. Love, Sasha Labels: personals |