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esskay
Digital storyteller, Photographic narrator, Hogwarts alum. In real life, I write things. I speak fluent sarcasm. I'm unintentionally funny. My favorite thing is food. Guac is life. I'm a fountain of the most random information. I'm pretty, only because it's weird to call oneself beautiful. I'm weird in all the good ways. I live in the greatest city on Earth. I was Sasha before Beyonce was schizophrenic. My life is stranger than fiction. But please, don't take my word for it. My pen is mightier than my sword. Instagram
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Wednesday, December 28, 2011 || 10:03 PM
Tomorrow is the two year anniversary of my brother's death and I've never missed him more. And even though I haven't sen him in two years, ironically enough, everything reminds me of him. But the thing that reminds me of him the most is the brother that I'm left with. I feel like I've grown a lot this year. I'm far from the little girl that he could make cry with a few cruel words or a petty argument. And I'm actually proud of the way I solved the problem of our relationship that seemed to have no solution. But the fact of the matter is that change isn't real. We only have the illusion of change. There is nothing new under the sun. So I shouldn't be surprised when those same petty arguments arise. And now, more than ever, my biggest problem with my brother is that he isn't Sean and never will be. And it makes me that much more angry that Sean isn't here to tell him what a bitch he's acting like. Now I coud say it, but it wouldn't really mean much coming from me. I'm the younger sister and just like my sadness is undermined when it comes to my dead brother, my opinion is undermined when it comes to my living one. So if you're reading this, I have this to say to you: Fuck. You. From the bottom of my heart.
As for Sean, I miss him more than I miss my next breath. And I keep feeling like the space he's left in my life will eventually get smaller. And it never does.
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