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esskay
Digital storyteller, Photographic narrator, Hogwarts alum. In real life, I write things. I speak fluent sarcasm. I'm unintentionally funny. My favorite thing is food. Guac is life. I'm a fountain of the most random information. I'm pretty, only because it's weird to call oneself beautiful. I'm weird in all the good ways. I live in the greatest city on Earth. I was Sasha before Beyonce was schizophrenic. My life is stranger than fiction. But please, don't take my word for it. My pen is mightier than my sword. Instagram
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Saturday, December 29, 2012 || 1:37 AM
Sean,In the first year I spent without you, I was beyond heartbroken. And it seemed to me like nobody gave a shit because most people I encountered did nothing to help that with their empty words and somehow, they only shattered it further. Our parents seemed to be in a never ending haze of tears and pain, and our brother stayed in his own selfish little bubble, though I can hardly blame that on your absence. That left me alone to find my own way to get happy again. For the longest, it felt like feeling around in the dark for a grain of sand. But there were a few (I can count them on one hand) who were always there with and for me. And though they couldn't find the light for me, I took comfort in holding their hands in the dark.
In the second year you were gone, I found myself trying to remember your laugh. It seemed like such a long time since I had heard my own, I just wanted to remember what it sounded like. But after a while, it started to come back to me. That was the year a few amazing people came into my life, people who reminded me a lot of you in their way, so much so that I kinda adopted them as my other family, though they can never take your place. I also made a lot of mistakes that I wish you'd been around for. Even though I needed to make them in order to grow, I know you would have added your own knowledge to my growth. You were always one of my greatest teachers.
In this, the third year, I found myself putting the things you taught me to use. Realizing that not everyone is your friend, recognizing the wolves for what they are, though their disguises are convincing and leaving those who who bring you down behind. The weight of your absence is enough, I don't need to add the weight of another persons drama to my life. But in employing the ideals you instilled in me, I find myself being happier and more content. Life is far from perfect. The fact that you're gone still hurts as much as it did three years ago. But another thing that hasn't changed in the last three years is how much I love you and miss you. Thank you for being my brother, my mentor, my friend.
Labels: friends and fam, personals |