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esskay
Digital storyteller, Photographic narrator, Hogwarts alum. In real life, I write things. I speak fluent sarcasm. I'm unintentionally funny. My favorite thing is food. Guac is life. I'm a fountain of the most random information. I'm pretty, only because it's weird to call oneself beautiful. I'm weird in all the good ways. I live in the greatest city on Earth. I was Sasha before Beyonce was schizophrenic. My life is stranger than fiction. But please, don't take my word for it. My pen is mightier than my sword. Instagram
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Wednesday, August 5, 2009 || 7:56 PM
have you ever been standing in a room filled with people and still felt more alone than ever. i don't think i've ever felt this lonely before. it doesn't make much sense, everyone's here, my friends, my family, everyone i care about. somehow, i feel like i'm losing myself. or maybe i'm finding myself and it's just a bit more confusing than i thought it would be. i keep longing for a time when things were different. i know specifically when, and i also know that things will never be the same. i know it doesn't make sense to long for the past, i need to keep moving forward. but if progression is so good, why does it hurt so bad sometimes? everywhere i look, there's something that reminds me of a time, place or person that i miss. and everytime i think about it, i just want it all back. and everytime i acknowledge the fact that i can't have it back, i get this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, the kind you get when your heart breaks, your dreams shatter and the world around you begins to fall apart. and this loneliness sets in, the kind you only feel when you fall into a bottomless pit of depression. i know i'm not depressed. i'm quite happy and very blessed. but i know that there's something missing. maybe it's always been missing and recent events have led me to acknowledge it's absence. whatever the case, i need to find this something. i need to get back to myself. hopefully, i find it soon. but i shouldn't worry, it usually doesn't take very long for me to stumble upon the things i never really know i'm looking for in the first place.Labels: babble and rant, personals |