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esskay
Digital storyteller, Photographic narrator, Hogwarts alum. In real life, I write things. I speak fluent sarcasm. I'm unintentionally funny. My favorite thing is food. Guac is life. I'm a fountain of the most random information. I'm pretty, only because it's weird to call oneself beautiful. I'm weird in all the good ways. I live in the greatest city on Earth. I was Sasha before Beyonce was schizophrenic. My life is stranger than fiction. But please, don't take my word for it. My pen is mightier than my sword. Instagram
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Monday, December 14, 2009 || 1:03 AM
I'm frustrated, annoyed, in tears and I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. Thomas Jefferson once said "When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on". Well this is my knot, in all the words I wish I could say, but just won't come out of my mouth when I need them to. Someone loves me. However, this someone loves me the wrong way and because of it, it's tearing us apart. It's tearing me apart and I've come to the point where I just can't deal because in this moment, all I wanna do is cry. And every time I try to hold my tears in, they just come faster. This shouldn't be my problem so why do I feel so bad? Why am I sitting here crying my eyes out while he's at home, sleeping soundly without a care in the world? After the last time, I said I didn't wanna put my heart into something just to get nothing in return. I know how that feels and it doesn't feel good. This time, I put my heart into it the right way and because he loves me the wrong way, I still get hurt? That doesn't seem very fair. And even more frustrating is the fact that I still can't have the one I want. I feel like I'm waiting for something that will never come. Staring at something that's right in front of me and I can't just reach out and grab it. Reaching for something that I just can't get a grip on and it keeps slipping away. I don't like feeling like the things I want aren't within my reach. I've always been a realistic person for exactly that reason. Never asked santa for ponies when I was younger, never set goals for myself that I knew were impossible to reach. Yet, I find myself being haunted by the thought that my happily ever after is unattainable while the ones who don't deserve it can stroll on by, having their cake and eating it too. And apparently, they've eaten my cake because that shit is nowhere to be seen. I just wish things could be different. But everything happens for a reason and God said He would never give us more than we can bear. The tears in my eyes are nothing compared to the tear that my heart cries. But still…I love truly. Always. Labels: babble and rant, personals |