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esskay
Digital storyteller, Photographic narrator, Hogwarts alum. In real life, I write things. I speak fluent sarcasm. I'm unintentionally funny. My favorite thing is food. Guac is life. I'm a fountain of the most random information. I'm pretty, only because it's weird to call oneself beautiful. I'm weird in all the good ways. I live in the greatest city on Earth. I was Sasha before Beyonce was schizophrenic. My life is stranger than fiction. But please, don't take my word for it. My pen is mightier than my sword. Instagram
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Saturday, May 22, 2010 || 2:08 PM
Hey Sean,In exactly seven days, it will have been 5 months since you’ve been gone and sadly, not much has changed. Which is crazy because I know if you were here, things would be different. I’m sure just writing this will make my dear family upset but I refuse to censor myself for the likes of them. They’ll be alright. And if they’re not, I sure as hell will be. You’re probably wondering what’s with the attitude. But if you were here, knowing me and this family the way you do, you wouldn’t even have to ask. When you first left, I did say that I was taking over your position as the black sheep of the family and they just keep proving me right over and over again. And your brother remains the golden child as ever. I can’t speak for dad though. It’s frustrating to me but very smart of him to just stay out and not get involved. I wish I could have that mentality of just looking out for number one when it comes to things like this but unfortunately, I’m always the subject of disapproval in these situations. I wish I could say that I cared but after all this time, you sorta get used to it. In any event and far from caring, I just wish they would leave me alone. I wish life were like a game of monopoly and I could have a “get out of family free” card. But alas, life isn’t that easy and it’s certainly not that pleasant. Which means I just have to suffer through all of this foolishness. As much as you struggled in life, I still say you were lucky to get away when you did. I thought about you a lot this morning, in the midst of my anger. Just thinking back to those first days after you left and remembering everyone carrying on with their bullshit. I hate these pretenders and I know if you were here, you would put them all in their places. I bet you were rolling in your grave when you heard all the bullshit going on but I guess they waited til you were gone to say all that they said for a reason. I’m sure they knew as well as I did that you would call bullshit on them if they even opened their mouths. But since you’re gone, there’s no one to call bullshit and they get to look like the saints they’re not. The world makes sense again! Your wife still has yet to return with your son and since she’s been gone, we haven’t received so much as a phone call or a picture. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, my brothers sure know how to pick ‘em. I hope when my time comes, I don’t make the same mistake and choose a supreme douche lord to spend the rest of my life with. But by that time, maybe the entire family will have disowned me and then I’ll have nothing to worry about. Wishful thinking, I suppose. Time still seems to be moving at a glacial pace, yet somehow, at the same time I feel like it’s passing me by quite rapidly. Maybe I’m still stuck and that’s why I can’t seem to get a grip on time. I keep thinking if time passes, things will get better. It’s the end of May. I’ll let you be the judge on whether or not things have gotten better. Anywhoo, I won’t ramble on anymore. Just wishing I could speak to you and this seems to be the only way that feels somewhat real. I still miss you jerk. I still don’t understand why God had to take you away from us so soon. But then again, there are plenty of things I won’t understand until He’s good and ready for me to understand them. So I’ll just have to accept that fact that you’re gone and remind myself that everything happens for a reason. That doesn’t stop me from wishing you were still here every single day but I guess it’s a start. I can only hope. Love, Sasha Labels: babble and rant, friends and fam, personals |