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esskay
Digital storyteller, Photographic narrator, Hogwarts alum. In real life, I write things. I speak fluent sarcasm. I'm unintentionally funny. My favorite thing is food. Guac is life. I'm a fountain of the most random information. I'm pretty, only because it's weird to call oneself beautiful. I'm weird in all the good ways. I live in the greatest city on Earth. I was Sasha before Beyonce was schizophrenic. My life is stranger than fiction. But please, don't take my word for it. My pen is mightier than my sword. Instagram
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Sunday, September 12, 2010 || 7:44 PM
I remember, as a kid I used to watch these TV shows and cartoons. And there was always one with a kid who lived in a nice neighborhood where everyone is pleasant and they wave at you while watering their lawn as you ride by on your bicycle with your friends, blah diddy blah blah blah. But there was always one neighbor who everyone knew as the scary neighbor. The one all the kids thought were evil. Whether it was the old man who chased kids off his property or the old lady who, rumor had it, was a witch who ate children, there was always that one bad neighbor. I have one such neighbor and her name is Ms. Lucy. I have lived next to this woman for almost my entire life and she is the real life personification of those characters I used to watch on TV so long ago. Far from kidnapping children and eating them, she’s a different kind of freakish weirdo altogether. It’s hard to explain but she does the weirdest things that, to anyone else, wouldn’t really matter but after nineteen years has become so goddamned annoying that you just want to push her in front of a moving truck when you see her. Like when she stares at you every time you show your face outside or around the house. Nobody wants to be constantly glared at. Or when you have company and they park in front of YOUR house and the minute they leave, she runs out of her house to harass them for the parking spot because she will simply DIE if her car spends the night in front of her house rather than yours. Those few inches between her house and yours are possibly the difference between life and death. Or maybe it’s the way she does everything according to what you do because she’s watching your every move. If you water your lawn, look out because in the next hour or so, Ms. Lucy will surely be watering hers. When you put your plants out in the spring, a week later, Ms. Lucy’s will be there right next to yours. If you’re renovating anything on the outside of your house, she will coincidentally decide that the outside of her house also needs a little sprucing up. And if she gets the feeling there are renovations going on inside your house, she’ll sell her soul to get the chance to come in because she has to see what you’re doing so that she will know for sure what needs to be done to her house. She gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “neighbors from hell”. So Ms. Lucy, here’s to you. I’m sure you’ll outlive us all and stick around long enough to make our lives miserable from the mere sight of your face. Cheers!Labels: babble and rant, in real life, stranger than fiction |