|
esskay
Digital storyteller, Photographic narrator, Hogwarts alum. In real life, I write things. I speak fluent sarcasm. I'm unintentionally funny. My favorite thing is food. Guac is life. I'm a fountain of the most random information. I'm pretty, only because it's weird to call oneself beautiful. I'm weird in all the good ways. I live in the greatest city on Earth. I was Sasha before Beyonce was schizophrenic. My life is stranger than fiction. But please, don't take my word for it. My pen is mightier than my sword. Instagram
agenda
musings
twitter
Tweets by @SaKePi
Banners
 blogwalk
|Alex|
|DS|
|Zoella|
|Meghan|
|CurlBox|
|Cass|
|TiKeDi|
|The Read|
|Infatuation|
|Negin| |
Tuesday, February 28, 2012 || 11:40 PM
I got a story to tell -Biggie SmallsLately, I find myself reminiscing more than usual. I'm mourning the loss of last year because for me, it was such a kickass year. I did everything I wanted to do, spent time with all of my friends and was happier than I've been since...well, you know. And now that it's over, things have been suckish. I can't lie, for me, 2012 is off to a crappy ass start. And since not saying anything has done me absolutely no good, I'm done not saying anything. So in essence, I'm not not saying anything. Double negative...head spinning...ughh. Anywhoo... Last year was amazing. Got off to a great start, got rid of my ex-douchebag early in the year, had a fantastic week-long birthday celebration, kicked ass in all my classes, all that good stuff. Then, Summer began. My favorite time of year. And lucky me, I made a new friend. We'll call him Billy. Billy was cool peoples from jump. He was always polite, a perfect gentleman and he was so easy to talk to. We'd sit around and just shoot the breeze, talk about whatever. We'd hang out on random nights during the week, we'd chat on the phone once in a while during the day and whenever our mutual friends hung out, we'd show up together. I guess that kinda fueled the rumors of a secret relationship. And who knows, maybe even he started to believe it but in my eyes, we were only ever good friends. My first mistake was assuming that everyone saw friendship the way I did. For the record, I'm not a person who takes friendship lightly. If I call you my friend, it means something to me, more than just the words. Which is why all of my friends have been in my life for years and years. So if I go out of my way to help you or be there for you, if I come cook for you or help you clean or whatever the case may be, such is the nature of my friendship. I go hard for my friends and I'm protective of them too. But just because I feel that way about my friends doesn't mean that everyone does. Fast forward to the end of an awesome summer. Billy and I were two peas in a weird pod. Everyone came at us with their inquiries of a relationship and we just kept correcting them. It actually became funny after a while. Some people believed us. Some didn't. But it never changed our friendship, as far as I was concerned. The months passed, Summer turned to Autumn and as the temperature shifted in the atmosphere, so did the temperature in our friendship. It went from sunny and warm to downright frigid. And when I thought about it, I could only trace the change back to the introduction of another person into my life. Let's call her Jane, shall we? Jane was always sweet, super caring and, like Billy, cool peoples from jump. When I realized what was happening between them, I was happy because I considered Billy my friend and I felt like he deserved to be happy with someone nice who cared about him. And, at the very least, the rumor mill would stop churning out falsities about us. But as time went on, it became a bittersweet feeling because as happy as I was for them, it felt like Billy had thrown away his friendship with me to gain a relationship with her. I could be wrong but if I am, I have no other explanation as to why we're as cold as ever. Since this realization, a personal epiphany if you will, I've kind of fallen off to avoid any awkwardness. Not because of any personal feelings I have but because I know what people thought before and I can imagine what they're thinking now. So I've thrown myself head first into myself which is very therapeutic. But the other day, a mutual friend asked if they haven't seen me because I'm harboring some kind of animosity towards one or both of them. If someone I'm actually cool with could ask me that, I shudder to think what the naysayers are saying. So the answer to that question is absolutely, one hundred percent NO. Because I'll never know if "Billy" and I were ever truly friends (in my eyes, we were) but I still wish him and "Jane" all the happiness in the world. Labels: babble and rant, friends and fam, in real life, personals |