So far, this has been another terrible horrible no good very bad week for me. And it's only Wednesday, can you imagine? So last night, amidst my tossing and turning and everything-but-sleeping, I did a lot of thinking. And then that made me sad so I put my headphones on and listened to music until (mercifully) I fell asleep. When I woke up three hours later, with tears in my eyes for the memory of peaceful sleep, I just stuck those ear buds right back in. But I thought a lot about how music has, almost literally saved my life in the past. And maybe that sounds crazy but there has been more than one occasion that it's kept me from completely losing my mind and going over the edge. And who knows, maybe that doesn't sound so crazy. But here, in no particular order are 5 songs that have saved my life (or at the very least, my mind) in the past.

What God brought you through - Laos in Harmony

So this is a really big one for me and not just because I know the artist. They performed this song once before my brother died and the words just resonated with me and I have no idea why. After my brother passed, it was all I could think about (anyone who's heard them perform this song can probably guess why). Singing it was the only thing that got me through the day even though I could only remember one part. And then a few days after he passed, they sang it and the director dedicated it to me and I just lost it. After days of not letting anyone see me cry and pretending to be strong, I just broke down into these big heaving sobs in the audience and I didn't even care. To this day, every time I hear it, I think of him. I've stopped bursting into tears every time they sing it but I still doubt they really know how much it means to me and how much I appreciate them for it.

I'll trust you Lord - Donnie McClurkin

This song also got me through some pretty tough times after my brother passed. The only way I could make sense of that and keep from losing my mind was for me to keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason. So I had to trust God. Also, the words of that song were pretty specific to my exact situation but I just took it as a sign. Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted...and all that jazz.

He's able - Deitrick Haddon
I don't know why I picked this song but it has gotten me through everything. Every bad breakup and even the not so bad ones. Every family drama, every tough time I can think of. Every time I feel like I can't handle the things going on in my life, I listen to this song and take comfort in the words, especially the part about God fulfilling His promises because He did promise He wouldn't give us more than we could bear and even though it sometimes feels like it's so much more, God knows what we can bear better than we do. It's our trials and how we handle them that make us stronger and better people.

No weapon - Fred Hammond
I think this one is pretty self explanatory. Just that assurance and again, God's promises. They're both very comforting during tough times.

Hold me now - Kirk Franklin
Last but not least, the man himself. I can relate to this song soooooo much. If for nothing else than for the fact that there are some truly screwed the hell up people in this world who will hurt you every way they know how, just because. And it's reassuring to know that God hasn't turned away from you even though we all give Him reason to.

So this is how I've gotten through life for the past three years. I feel like my smile is a miracle and these songs and the reminders that they provide are the reason I've been able to fake it til I make it for so long. Now, the only question on my mind is when the hell am I actually going to make it?