Hey hey. I'm Sasha.
Digital storyteller,
Photographic narrator,
Hogwarts alum.
In real life, I write things. I speak fluent sarcasm. I'm unintentionally funny. My favorite thing is food. Guac is life. I'm a fountain of the most random information. I'm pretty, only because it's weird to call oneself beautiful. I'm weird in all the good ways. I live in the greatest city on Earth. I was Sasha before Beyonce was schizophrenic.
My life is stranger than fiction. But please, don't take my word for it.
My pen is mightier than my sword.
Instagram
@esskay.p
agenda
12/7 polaroid photo walk
12/8 festival of life
12/11 volez voguez voyagez
12/19 date night
12/23 christmas adam
musings
Truth is, I'm not innocent. I'm just an abstinent fireplace that doesn't wanna feel the fire kindled between her legs anymore so don't mind the ashes. They're just evidence of how brightly I can glow and I wanna glow hard like one dim star on an otherwise starless night that shines just to prove its fidelity.
Yesterday, I posted the following series of clips to my Snap Story.
Now, I realize that I really don't owe anyone an explanation but I'm usually not so down on social media because one, people don't like to see that shit and two, I normally like to keep these things to myself and pretend that my life is perfect for social media. You know, like everyone else. But everyone has these days where shit gets to be too much. Last Friday, I came home feeling this way. Like I was so down and frustrated and I felt so stuck because I didn't know what to do with these feelings and it was all so exhausting, I just wanted to sleep until further notice. I didn't really know when "further notice" was, exactly. I just knew I didn't want to be awake and I didn't want to deal with the way I felt. Now the thought of suicide has never crossed my mind except when I briefly wondered if this is the way that people who are actually suicidal feel. Because I wanted to sleep. Not indefinitely, of course, but shit just got to be too much. Now that I think about it, I could be wrong but I doubt that that's how it feels to be suicidal. Disclaimer: if you are someone who is actually suicidal or have ever had any thoughts along those lines, please talk to someone. I promise it's not that's bad. I promise things will get better if you give God a chance to really work in your life. Trust Him. And talk to someone. Life gets hard sometimes but it always gets better.
So I posted this to my Snap Story because after feeling this way on Friday and then having an asshole ruin my Saturday and frustrate me further, I was pretty much over it. But then on Memorial Day, I found out that someone I grew up with passed away in a really screwed up way and I just couldn't take any more. I felt like talking to someone about how I was feeling but I also didn't want to talk to anyone about anything. So I did the next best thing. I talked to Snapchat.
Here's the thing: it was the most random ass people who had something to say about this. And really, it's Snapchat, it does't require a response. Which means it was just extra for the sake of being extra. So I will say this one more time, because it's really not the first time I've said it but it needs repeating. If you are someone who has a problem with the things I post on my social media, or even on this blog, please unfollow me. Unfriend me, block me, do whatever it is you need to do to never see my shit again. Because the first amendment says that I can say whatever the fuck I want. I'm paraphrasing, but that's the gist of it. So the one thing you can't do is silence me. If I'm sad, I'm gonna be sad. If I'm upset or frustrated or ridiculously, deliriously happy, if I want to, I'm gonna say that and if I don't, I won't. The point is, all you can do is choose to look or choose not to look. So if you don't like it, GO AWAY. I promise I won't be mad. Stop lurking. Stop creeping. Just stop.
